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bluecedar 43, Female, Canada - 61 entries

May 2012
9:32 AM PDT

Rob and me

I am back with Rob, and Rob is back with me, It is hard to beleive. He said I am so mean, but he still came back. I am sure he has mental health issues, and I don't know if I can live with his symptoms, but we are taking it day to day.
We both have our own counsellors, but will have to give them up if we see a couples counsellor. That is not going to happen for me, I need my therapist.
I hopelessly love Rob, always have and possibly always will. No matter how crazy and not good we are for each other.

Kaila is not doing to great, she was back at the hospital on Saturday morning. She called and I said I would meet her at noon, but she already left. She called at 1pm and Rob and I picked her up, she was hurtng, so gave her my last 15 bucks.
I said a few thoughts of her making it back to the hospital and tring to plan to have a few points before she goes in, so she can stay there. The blood infection is affecting her heart. I don't think she will last long if she doesn't get help. They were only able to give her one dose of antibiotics this time before she left.

Tags: health, PTSD

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bluecedar 43, Female, Canada - 61 entries

Feb 2012
11:32 AM PDT

moments of anxiety

Rob has gone to court today for Family issues, custody and child support.

I was okay earlier, but now I am stressed out.
He was asked by the judge if there was any problems with picking up Nakota, and tehre was, but he said no! So now I am thinking that he wants to be nice to her because he wants her to take him back, and Im thinking sooner then later I hope.
Not because I don't love him, because I can deal with it sooner and get on with my life.

So much is going on in my head, and more will come, I need to try stop the flow.
It is PTSD, and I am in self preservation mode, It is a trigger, that he has to see Corrine and he has gone back to her before and will go back again, or she will cause me grief.

fuck

But he isn't going back, but I just don't trust him, or I don't trust myself on my thoughts, I am out of control.

I need to stop, not sure how yet.

Tags: ptsd

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