So, I have been up all night.  Again.  I really should be going to bed more.  I live with the most wonderful man, that I love more than I know how to say.  Yet, most nights he goes to bed alone, and I stay up.

I could go to bed now, but I know I'll just disturb his sleep.  So I postpone. I'll wait until it's nearly time for his alarm, then I'll go and cuddle him - and then I'll finally fall asleep.

In a way, it's better this way.  I know he sleeps better when I'm not tossing and turning and fidgeting next to him.  And I sleep when I would otherwise be on my own here.  And then we get the evening together.  So, it's not all bad.  It's probably for the best.

Except, that isn't the reason I don't go to bed with him.  I stay up because I'm terrified of going to bed, and trying to sleep in the dark, and having nightmare after nightmare, and lying awake in the dark full of anxiety I can't dispell.

So tired.  So very damn tired.

If only being tired was enough to enable me to sleep.