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One o'clock in the morning watching my last cigarette burn away in hopes to quit my addiction. Many thoughts run through my mind at this point. A friend of mine commit suicide yesterday. I didn't know her all that well, but from what I saw she was a bright spirit in hopes for a good future. Always smiling.. it's hard to understand what drives some one to a point of wanting to die. A week before, my boyfriends close friend also commited suicide. He grew up with her. There's no second chances in life. I can't say i've made many right choices in my past, but I intend to change. I work on it everyday, always thinking about my actions towards other people. I've lost so many people within the last year I don't want to take the chance again of regretting the last thing I said to that person before he/she died. I live moment by moment everday trying to find myself. People look at me as a strong person with a good future and knows what she wants, but inside I feel like a trainwreck. Pieces of my life every which way. I'm scared of the future and who I will become. So I watch and think about everything that happens. I couldn't ever handle another heart break. Your heart can only break so much.
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