longhorn2014's Journal

Mar 2010
9:28 PM CDT

WTF is wrong with me

now im going to cuddle with him...

WHY

godamnit

because frankly..

i am telling myself not to care.....

....

goodnight

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1 comment(s) - 09:00 PM - 04/09/2010

Feb 2010
1:23 PM CDT

Self-Explanatory

What has happened in a mere couple of weeks? Too much change, I daresay. I will have to go into detail about the events some other time. For now, I simply want to write about my current situtation and where I stand in all things.

After all that I have gone through to transfer to SMU and study here, I will ironicially, as some might say, be returning to UT. But it is a good feeling. I feel content and at peace with myself in a way.

I believe I have refound hope.

Hope is a good thing.

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Oct 2009
5:36 PM CDT

"Simplicity is ultimate sophistication" - leonardo da vinci I totally agree. This is why I keep my fashion wardrobe simple but sleek. If there are very fashionable patterns such as flowery tops or a quilted jacket, I make sure to pair them with something plain in the bottom. Less is definitely always more! :D

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Sep 2009
4:55 PM CDT

Today has been a very productive day. I finished all of my homework (all before 10 o'clock) :) was able to study for my calc test tomorrow, did errands, took out the trash, cleaned, took a bath, hell, i even ate at pluckers and called my mumma :) ... i have a feeling that my SMU days will soon start getting a lot lot better and that my mood in general will be happy all the time (i hope).. we'll see with these tests this week and next... hopefully, i wouldn't be so shy and/or just feeling crap that i want to avoid seeing people like i usually do... that's a very bad mindset that i really wish i could change about me... but alright.. i have to go, because this flu shot that i got is making me feel sickly now :( i'll hopefully write again tomorrow!!

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Sep 2009
7:11 AM CDT

"What do I expect of others?"

Not much. I am an optimist only when it comes to my failures and faults and my mistakes. Otherwise, I feel everybody looks out for themselves. I am a pessimist in this sense. However, I do not think that man is innately bad or evil. I think people start of good with good intentions, but as time passes by and they get older, the world forces them to adapt in order to survive. And be at the top. This is what I've noticed. This is what it's like for me. However, there are others who are nice and pleasant and helps out. But I cannot tell if their intentions are genuine or false. It saddens my heart to realize that most of them are false and while their immediate goals are not to do me harm or antagonize me, that is what they eventually do. At least, that is what most/some of the girls here at my school do. I suppose I've had too many bad experiences with girl friendships. This probably explains why I do not have many good girl friends. Girl friends are risky and needy.

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Apr 2009
9:31 PM CDT

PAD Drama

No matter how professional an organization may get, underneath it all we are all still stuck in high school drama. And I will leave it at that. Necessary details need not be said because they are insignificant now and they will be insignificant 10 years from now. I will miss the friends I have made here at UT always. I will always cherish the moments I have with them, but I know they will go and do great things. I believe we are all destined to do great things. We are all in the same boat as of late, but I feel together we could get through it.

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Apr 2009
9:27 PM CDT

I am SMU bound. This is a difficult time for me and my dad. I realize we both have so much going on in our lives. But it will transform us. I tried. And I do not know what it is that I am doing wrong. Is this punishment for my sins? God knows I deserve to be punished for the stupid things I have done. But am I not entitled to happiness? to have my own dreams? Must I always be the prisoner of my father whose only source of control over me is his ability to pay for my expenses? I am better than that. It is my inalienable right to pursue happiness.

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Mar 2009
11:18 AM CDT

Academics: Astronomy stresses me out. Although I painfully read the entire chapter about the gas giants, somehow I still managed to get both questions on the quiz today wrong. I knew the answer too. I'll have to blame the bad way science teachers word their questions. Well, I suppose there's no use crying over spilled milk. Art history is becoming lame because we have now finished the Renaissance and are covering secular/enlightenment/protestant stuff. I will cry when we start studying modernism. For psychology so far all is super well! I am just on the dot for my A, and this next test is supposedly a lot easier than the last one. My ethics class is self-explanatory, if I get an A on this next test, I will not have to take test 3. Or, if I bomb this next test, my test 3 can replace my lowest grade. Either way I am not too worried. Friends: Phi Alpha Delta :) what more can I say? Family: Whatevs, dad. Life: SMU PONY UP BITCHES.

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Mar 2009
4:44 PM CDT

Daddy is not paying for college. I am off on my own and life FML right now. I am poisoning my good relationship con il mio amore. What am I doing... for real.

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Mar 2009
8:31 AM CDT

Dodgeball was fun. While this week is not necessarily killer, I am but a little bit worried about goodphil, not necessarily nervous just more like I want to get it over with becuase I dont want anything to do with FSA anymore. It's just not my cup of tea and i'll leave it at that. I can't wait to do more stuff for PAD. I'm trying to do as much as I can before I leave, I really like these kids. This past weekend went down to 6th street, gahh I'm so over clubbing, it's just not my scene. So high schoolish. I need more bananas hahah sorry this is so random but it's become I'm in psychology class and we were talking about that. I need to be somewhere in between to remember the most. Watchman will be good, I want to see it. DADDY'S HOME! haha i don't know if i should really be celebrating yet but i'm SUPPER HAPPY he's back. :) I'm also going to intern back in manila now. I've told my grandmother so it was to be forshizzle. For my spring break, I think I will ask if me and my dad can go to New Orleans, i wanna see the museums and eat good food! Softball tonight. It should be interesting hahaha. So now. Time to talk about cortisol.

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Mar 2009
11:34 AM CDT

"The worst thing you can try to do is cling to something that is gone, or to recreate it." - Johnette Napolitano I could've not said it better myself. Enough said. :) Time to do the MORE right thing for once. As for my weekend, it was lots of fun! While Mr. Morgan wasn't able to make it to our little reunion and the 80's party wasn't as "happening" as I had hoped it would be, overall we all had a good time. The fajitas and shrimp fried rice came out a success. Also, I'm very happy to have done my laundry! School wise, I need to hurry up and not slack with Psychology and Astronomy. Although I am very worried about Astronomy, I think right now I'm more confused about psychology, just because I've missed so much class and much of it is about the readings and I haven't done the readings either. It's time to focus before it's crunch time. Time to be faithful to my love. I love him so much.

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Feb 2009
9:48 PM CDT

Things on my mind

I have complete my transfer application to SMU. Now the waiting game begins. I'm glad that I had gone up to Dallas this past weekend. Every moment was worth it. I'm also very glad that I had pushed myself to finish my essay and update my resume to have it all turned in this morning. That way, my essay wasn't all mushy and bias saying "I only want to go here because of my boyfriend." Because that's not it at all, finishing it there on campus made me actually think objectively, sans with or without my love in the picture. I need to figure out how to read the fineprint. Sometimes, when I am stressed, I buy things on a whim and tend to rationalize the pros and cons of each. And when I talk about buying things on a whim, it's not necessarily shopping shoes or purses. I'm talking about buying plane tickets and booking hotels. And then realizing that the reservations on both don't match, and then I end up wasting money because I had bought the non-refundable type. So I think it's great that I've gotten free flights from Southwest. But then not so great that I messed it up with the hotel reservations. Come to think of it, it's like I bought a flight to Dallas. I hate wasting money. I especially hate it when I know it's my fault or my mistake. Besides money matters, Ash Wednesday is this Wednesday and Lent begins. To be honest, I am eager but not excited in the way where it's like I'm going to the park. I'm more eager to give up my sacrifice to God and give up what I have decided to give up. I'm eager to discipline myself for the better. It'll keep me focused. Not to mention, I'm looking forward to Easter Vigil!! Where music and song will be amazing. I can't wait to sing praise. Singing is where my heart lies. It is my passion. I miss and love my babi dearly.

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Feb 2009
10:40 AM CDT

Psych test and missing class

The single most time waster in my life is either TV or facebook. Facebook I sort of have control of myself still, especially if my computer freezes, which it often does. TV, however, is completely different for there is always something to watch, whether it's educational or not. There's way too much info in TV. I took my first psychology test today and I also skipped my first class today. I probably shouldn't skip class anymore, especially since I only have 2 classes a day. But anyway, I'm very glad that charlyn was interested in going to church with me today. I really do hope she doesn't change her mind. I need to study for astronomy tonight so I can be ready for tomorrow night's study session. Should I be worried? I think the answer is yes, but knowing me, I don't know it seems as if there really isn't much to loose and yea. I always have to keep focused, have my mind set on my goals. Otherwise, I loose myself in the moment and I end up shooting myself in the foot and it being too too late.

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1 comment(s) - 12:25 AM - 02/12/2009

Feb 2009
6:53 PM CDT

I find that I am only truly at peace within myself when I am in Church alone, sitting there by myself. After the hustle and bustle of the day, or even before the day begins, I sit there and I find peace. Almost as if I am back again to where I wanted to be. My heart slackens and for a moment it swells and I am relieved. Then it all starts up again and its like a show and then my day goes by and I have in front of me the tasks that need to be done. No time is spent on reflection. Maybe this is why I loose myself sometimes. I forget who I really am. "And what father doesn't discipline a child? God disciplines for God loves you." "A community lives in the minds of its members--in shared assumptions, beliefs, customs, ideas that give meaning, ideas that motivate. And among the ieas are norms or values." - John Gardner

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Jan 2009
9:15 PM CDT

I can't have money problems and I can't deal with people who mess with my money. Southwest... omgoodness

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Jan 2009
9:01 PM CDT

So far so good I suppose. I need to pray for strength and courage. And to have the focus to keep on track and not give up. I love my babi so much.. and please, whatever happens, im sure it's for the best of me.

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Jan 2009
10:56 AM CDT

It's the many failures that make the success in the end worth while. New Year's Resolutions: 1. Go to Church every week. 2. Get all A's. 3. Jog on threadmill for at least 10 mins everyday. 4. Take time to hang out with friends. :)

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Dec 2008
4:56 PM CDT

Hello! It's Christmas Eve. I'm very tired from being the driver and I might have corporal tunnel. Tofu is still fat and Binky is probably unhealthy like her mom. Why is it that I'm rather uncapable of interesting thought? I've not been able to bring myself to think in a unique way for a long long time. I don't know what's up with me. But I do know that only I can fix this myself. And no, I shouldn't take it out on pills and alcohol. Merry Christmas.

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Dec 2008
8:47 AM CDT

I have 2 A's... for now. I'm almost confident that I will have an A in western civ but I don't want to bite my tounge... I'm very grateful for Dr. Rabinowitz... he's quite a generous man! ... but the question is.. will I get into McCombs?...

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Dec 2008
1:28 PM CDT

FInals

I will probably end up wtih 3 Bs or 2 Bs with 1 C and maybe 2 A's. Nothing's definite and I brought all of this upon myself. There was hope but I lost hope way too early in the game. Too many mistakes have been made this semester. Can you ever forgive yourself? How can you forgive yourself.

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longhorn2014's Profile

Username: longhorn2014

Gender / Age: Female, 23

Location: USA - Texas