Don't Keep Score

Acting With competence

Be Ethical

Be involve in family

Look in mirror like one self

Do not be angry

'Natural emotions take hold of me and hijack me.

Apologize quickly & sincerly when I've done something wrong.

Practice Kindness & Patience.

I've got to work on my Differentiation.  I've got to work on improving myself and take care of myself and make decision that is good for me...and not what other people think.

In the past, I let my family run my life.  I was suppose to go to the funeral of my ex-gf.  But their was death taboo which conflicted with my father's memorial.  Something irrational about that.  And I didn't go.  So I abandon my ex gf in her time of trouble.  What kind of moron does that?  Still I should not have listen to them, my family.  Even C told me not to go.  I could not believe it.  Now she says that I have to listen to myself not what the family is telling me to do.

I went to church and I can see that I can be forgiven for that.

Even I'm flawed, God forgives and loves me.  I can't forgive but blame other people and then become angry.  In time maybe I can forgive them and even myself.  I find that I want to exact revenge on them.

I need to pull back like the Work The System book suggest and see clearer what the root of the problem is, to be somewhat emotionally detached.

\"People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.\" - Thomas Szasz, \"Personal Conduct,\" The Second Sin, 1973

http://surethings.blogspot.com/2008/07/two-letters.html

Lack of Communication or the Mole problem.

Reading David Roppo's advice for communication in a relationship.  It's not learning to communicate but getting down to the root of what's causing lack of communication.  This makes perfect sense to me and it's an idea that's echoed in Work the System book by Sam Carpenter.  In his book he talks about not wacking the mole as it comes up but get down to the root of the problem in the underground to see what's causing the mole or problem to come up?

In my case, when I make N mad, she goes silent, gives me the silent treatment and I can't stand it. 

I'm just depressed right now.

I don't like people leaveing me.  And one has.

"Research by Robert Emmons, a psychology professor at the UC Davis, found that people encouraged to keep 'gratitude journals' were far more satisfied with their lives than those who weren't encouraged to accentuate the positive."

I'm thank for for the sunny weather.  I hope that N got home okay to her family and to her destination.  She is so smart and has so much potential.  Maybe being with me held her back.  I love her so.  I really want to be with her though.  She does so much as learn so much and accomplished so much that some times I don't think I deserve her.  Now she leave me and I am sad and feel the loss.  I'm thankful for the time that she gave to me.  and I think that she views the time as a waste and has told me so.  What happens when a marriage begins fresh and new and full of love and then turn into bitter pain.  I will try to recount the time of sweetness.  My gratitude towards her grace and her warmth and her support and companion.

We saw two deers strutting out in the field at work.  Beyond there is the golf course.

The other time, I walk down the Hamilton hike trail slope and couple of elk sprinted passed us.  It was a large elk.  Tim and I were startled.