i decided to start an online journal because i normally find that i can express my thoughts easier through writing. right now i'm in a relationship that has been going on for four years. however, lately i've been having a lot of trouble with my boyfriend. i graduated from highschool in june and my parents wanted to send me away to college, however, my boyfriend told me that i couldn't leave because it wasn't fair to him because he had stayed for me (he graduated two years earlier) and that if i left wewould have to break up.now, he wants to go study to another country and when i told him that if he left we were going to break up he sayed i wasn´t backing him up or being there for him.
i´m getting tired of playing the sweet girlfriend while he gets to act all tough and sexist. but i think i still love him too much. i've never been with someone else and we´ve been dating since i was 13 so it makes it really hard on me because i don't know if i can´t break up with him cause i really love him or if i'm just scared of being alone.
some guys (friends of mine) have told me that i'm too good for him and what not but i feel that this is their duty as a friend and they cannot be honest with me. i have another not- so- close friend whose been wanting me to kiss him lately (not happening) but i think he's just trying to trick me into doing something so he can tell my boyfriend.. i think i don't have any real friends because i might have dumped them for him.
i don't know what to do because everytime i try to talk to him i forget what i was going to say and when i do say it, he just hugs me and says i'm sorry but nothing ever changes!!