I wish I had someone to tell this stuff to.

 But you can't say these you things. not out loud.. not to people who love you.  They will just be hurt, so you say nothing.

 But how I am meant to resolve it if I don't ever talk about it, or admit it?

 My inability to go out, to use the phone, to rarely be able to communicate more than a sentance online.. these things are real.  They are limiting.  They are things that much as I am striving to change, are something I can not ignore.  Plus, as bad as these things are to live with, they come with an associated cost that just makes it even worse.

 It costs me the people I love.  Because they don't understand.  They think I don't bother. That I haven't bothered.  The fact that I have pushed beyond my limits to make as much contact as I have is meaningless. Because it's not enough.  It never will be enough.

 And I am irrelevent.