太多的因数了……好怕好怕……

是为什么呢？感觉进来的他越来越容易生气我了……是因为我的本性足渐显示出来了吗？我就知道会这样……

改……何其容易？

怕，会让人变得小心翼翼，而过渡小心翼翼就会有反效果了……我就是常这样子……

因为实在是太怕失去你了……

人都是这样子的吗？

这几天时常都发生类似的事……不喜欢这种感觉……

要开学咯~开学了就很难有机会一起了~

我也是要节制点咯~^^

加油拉

today~

i go to song house~^^haha~

the second time le~^^so happy~

his family so cute~especially song's mother~^^so cute~

and his bro and sis~

i stay at his home almost the whole day~

studying lo~(study a bit only==play more~haha)

i like his family so much~^^but affraid they dun like me== feel so weird facing them==

so happy today~^^

haha~we have our dinner together~i eat so fast o==i also dunno how come i can eat so fast==

feel the distance between us are getting closer~^^like this~

cant wait for the next time~^^

today song ask me about our relation ship~

actually wat is the relation between us leh? friend?best friend?best best best best friend?............or couple?

i tell my self, friend will be the one always there.....but today.........my heart shake a bit le........

off course my thoughts wont change.........becoz all my experience told me tat couple never last......

when u r couples.......u will start to feel jealous, and then u will feel sad and angry when u see him near with other girls.........

then u will start to be angry with him and all the quarrel will appear......both will have arguement for every little small thing........like u should do this and not that ....wat ever......

then u will tide him by your side and start to tell him wat to do and not to do and even choose evrything for him.........this is bad, that is good........

if he dun listen........u will feel angry and he will feel angry too........

and yet, u will start to compare each other with other ppl..........and then u will feel confuse to continue this relation ship......

then at last.......there will be the end of this relation..........

but friend is different......

when u are friend, u dun have the ability to jealous, to tide him by your side........

you cant tell him wat to do and wat cant do........

u cant tide him nor lock him in ur cage........

the only thing u can do is advise and encourage~

he still can has his freedom and u can have yours~

there wont be a lock to lock both off u~

and when u need each other~for sure u both can be together~ maybe sit for a while and have a cup of tea can give u the comfort feeling~

friend wont give u stress but only happy and warm~

thats y i dun wan to be couples........

and yet.......if we become couples.......i dunno how long the relation can be keep.......i scare........

dun wan our relation become worse.......

just want to give u a nice and warm and memorable time before u go to USA..........

*baby......sorry o............lost ur pencil.........ur favourite pencil........

i am really sorry.........

I am quite happy for these few days~

shiong na dmangkuk came to my house yesterday~^^

and at night me and mangkuk went to shiong house~so happy~^^haha

i finally got a chance to explore his house~^^

we had our dinner near by shiong house and my mum came to fetch me at about 11 oclock in the mamak stall infront shiong house~^^

these few day i usually having arguement with my mum==

i hate it!

how come she can be so fussy and yet talking about something without logic......

wat's wrong came out from her mouth and wat's right also came out from her mouth.........wat ever she said is correct for herself ONLY.......

every time also like this.......

hate it!!!

yew no longer my bestfriend already...........

i found that he never treat us as his best friend...........a bit hurt......

but nvm lo~

i still have shiong hui and mangkuk wat~^^

hope days can just as normal as wat i have~^^

exam coming~^^

need bug up already!!! gambateh lo!!

Feeling of fear is covering me.......

fear of losing someone.......fear of be hated by someone.......

i really scared tat there is someone who hates me........especially my best friend........

but if they really do.......i hope they can tell me "i dun like you anymore" rather than to tell me "we r best friend" but acting like i am a toxic.........

so if u really dun like me anymore........please tell me by words and not to tell me by act......at least i wun be tat hurt for u to tell and not for me to discovered my self......

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

today........i really scared tat i will lose u........but i knew tat tat was my fault......

no doubt i am too active, hyper active.........everytime i play will cause many problem like heat ppl eyes or even their XX .........

and today........i interupted u in a serius case........

i was so regretful..........but i knew there was nth i can do.......so tat i stood beside u and just looking at u........

after that, when i knew u were fine already......my heart calm down.......

and the fear starting to claw over me.........and then i just suddenly cry.......

u must be very nervous tat time........but i din meant to let u worried or let u felt regret to angry with me........coz i knew tat it was my fault........

then things became normal after i stoped crying........

but things will never stay in the same places.........

i can feel tat u might have a bit of angry to me or feel that i am fussy already........

this is wat i truely fear.......

u r a very good friend.......a good listener, a good teacher and also a best best best best best best best friend of mine.........

but i know my self...........i know tat i am a person who is affraid of everythingm when it comes to my friend............

so it makes me become a fussy person.......concern this concern tat...... and finally........u might run away becoz of my fussy.......

i dunwan this happen........if u really dun like me talk this talk tat or maybe u dun like one of my habits.......please let me know........although i will be sad......but please........

sometimes u will regret after u tell me the truth, coz it might cause my tears drop........but please.......as a friend.......u should let me know rather than not to let me know..........

maybe u will say inside ur heart tat "next time dun wan tell her anymore.......coz she will definitely cry.......".............but please dun.........

this will ony give me the thought tat i am not wrong and the mistake will be repeating and repeating till it has never end.........

i dun want u to pretend that u like me.........i dun like pretend........it makes me feel sad coz i cant even know ur thoughts deep in ur heart..........

u r the ony one i really cares about, cares about wat u think of me.........cares about how u think of me............and yet cares about who am i in ur heart?

it is so complicated......

it is time to sleep now......very late d.........

}good night ar.........

hope u can see this.....^^

but maybe wun~

coz u dun even know tat i register the account of this right?

just saw ur journal.......

only 4 days== i din online for four days..........and yet u write journal everyday==

when i online u dun write, when dun i online u write==

you write......

""Memorable time do exist...lecturing time comes together...

and dat sucks lot...==

althought u said dat i m special....

but....i feel i hav no difference with others..

mayb....i really am as normal as others...

wad do i actually hav.....

money...none....

look....zero.....

results....rubbish....

gud frens...less...

i cant afford to lose u guys anymore...

i'm not qualified to....

accept the realitly....

alvin....u r a normal person...

(17/4/2008)

emotions can b replaced by another.....

hope it will b a better 1.....

when u r happy, i'm..""

feel a bit sad.......and also angry of my self......

i dunno that i give u such a feelings........maybe i am a jurk.......a bad friend so that i cant give u enough care and love.........

i dunno i give u such a bad bad bad feelings..........to let u feel that u r not special.......

sorry about tat.........but u r really special for me.........

u r my friend.........not becoz of money nor look........is becoz u.......

u is u.......no matter u r pour or ugly..........u r still u........the one who treat me with his heart and care........the one who i treat him as the most special friend that i have never had............

For now, without u i really dunno how am i gonna to study in this class........with all the fake faces.......

and without u.......i dun even find the meaning of staying there............

i have lose everything......but u will never be the one......right?

u ask me why am i crying tat time........

yong wei tell u tat i cry becoz i listen to the song "zui jin" and i feel touch and tears just drop like tat.........

but the truth is the things i am thinking..........that song is only a wood for the fire........

actually...........tat time we are discussing about u.......about the future without u.........about the time u r going to leave us........

i really cant accept ur leaving..........but  tat is a fact.........u r going to USA and i am going to stay here.......staying in this place without u..........

i really scare to lose u..........

i am affraid that ur feelings is just like the song.........

dunno y..........

even now when i am thinking about ur leaving........tears will drop none stop..........

你最近不说话 怎么了 为什么 是不是有什么事让你不快乐 听说你最近很孤单 有点乱有点慌 可是我却不能够在你的身旁 你想要的我却不能够给你我全部 我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的 我们不适合 也不想认输 好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭 你常解释这样的一切都只是开始 我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束 不想再约束 不要再痛苦 下一次会有更好的情路 爱 我却不能够给你我全部 我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的 我们不适合 也不想认输 好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭 你常解释这样的一切都只是开始 我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束 不想再约束 不要再痛苦 下一次会有更好的情路

""A simple way lead a simple life...

dat's wat i always dreamed of...

but reality is reality....life is meant to be complicated....

at least i still hav u....u will noe who r u when u read dis....

but who am i?? to u...to every1....or even..myself.....

i hope sum1 will tell me...i'll b waitin....

a happy day begins with a simple smile....

^^readers....blogers....hav a nice day...

(18/4/2008)

I am Alvin Siow....""

i am so sorry........tat i cant help u.........

feel tat i am useless......

i am such a bitch......cant even give u anything besides of that useless meaningless little of cares........and yet keep bodering u with my unimportant lauzy problem..........

sorry.........very sorry.........

but wat should i do? i have no ideal.........

if only u can tell me..........