"The mother of excess is not joy but joylessness." - Friedrich Nietzsche ....what a fantastic quote and I have created a goal for myself, and that is: NO MORE DESIGNER BAGS or SHOES UNTIL JUNE 2012!! I just purchased all of the items, which I'll list below-- in case I need a reminder and I really need to save $ for the two financial goals I have-- March 2012 one, and June 2012 one. Anyways, back to the items I just ordered last week: -Gucci tall knee length boots -Gucci ivory small bag/clutch -Gucci Heritage shoulder bag -Dior patent leather shoulder bag Enough is enough!!! It's like food for me, since I have such a freakin' ADDICTIVE personality, when I want something, THAT INSTANT, it's all I think about, I would surf and surf the net and find the best deals~then go have 3-4 vodka drinks and after i'm buzzin' I'd go and CHECK OUT my shopping cart, and that's how I ended up with no savings! First thing is to recognize my flaw and slowly work towards changing. Starting tomorrow.... Some changes--- I'm going to be weighing myself everyday and post it here: my goal is to be 110 lbs, which SHOULD be a very easy weight for me, i've been 105-110 for so long and now because of laziness, constant pigging out, binge eating, more laziness, I think i'm 118 lbs. I'll find out what weight I am at tomorrow morning. Sometimes I don't know what is wrong with me, I have this expensive gym membership for like 2 yrs ($81 a month) and I go once or twice a month. THAT'S IT! how pathetic is that? When I did go before regularly, I loved it. The increasing energy I felt, the good sleep i get, and just felt more happier in general. Now i'm back to this slump and I compensate this sucky feeling by buying more shit i don't need and eating uncontrollably which creates this vicious cycle. I HAVE TO BREAK IT. I also hate how for each of the social event I go to, I can no longer wear my tight bandage dresses, or super form fitting ones, I wear looser kinda of dresses and i just feel sooo fat. That's always on my mind. I don't know how many times I think about losing weight and be skinny/lean a day (maybe every 20 min?) and i don't do anything about it. I would buy all kinds of cleanse products (BPC, The Clean Program, so many diff types of diet pills, Sensa, etc.) and all I need is to lose 15 lbs -- well, 15 lbs would make me a solid size 0. 10 lbs...size 0/2 and i couldn't do it. TOMORROW I will start-- ! Upon waking up: 1) Gym 2) Grocery store 3) Cooking for my 2 friends for lunch ~~~~~~~~~ I also remember how I use to keep a journal (handwritten) one and I'd write pages and pages of my goals and thoughts, and feelings back in HS. I stopped doing that for about a decade and I have nothing to look back to. So I'm going to try to keep a regular journal and just write down anything and everything that's on my mind.
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